GrowHoly.com

I have everything, I am healthy and strong. I am happy. All is well. I got it all without any effort, it’s been a gift for me and I am grateful for it.

But should I see life then as effortless and should I just go around and enjoy it fully?

Should I not keep my eyes open and see others who might be in troubles, people who maybe didn’t get as much as I did, or simply who are at present in some problems? Should I not be ready to offer all what I got if it was to help them?

Does it mean it would lessen my own happiness?

Love grows through sharing.

And I had to look. I had to look for a place where I could be useful and a tiny bit give from what I’ve received. Singing in a hospice, where people suffer, the elderly who have lived their whole lives, and now, standing at the gate of death, they suffer extremely – both physically and mentally – so should I not give them a bit of joy I have inside?

Whenever you give, you get much more back.

When you see them torn and exhausted bodies, but with a smile in their eyes, you want to come back and do it again. It’s all you can do, anyway, you can’t help them otherwise than just sing for them.

And your life gets even richer.

I know there’s a t-shirt company called Life Is Good. And I like their way of doing business.

I know there are some people, like myself,who have a good life. And for them, it’s easy to say ‘Life is good’.

And there are people who have it difficult and need to face problems and sufferings, however, still they say ‘Life is good’. When you meet these people, you will look at your own life, and realise that it’s not so bad at all. And you will realise that the life really is good.

When you sit among them, when you see how weak they are that they even cannot stand for a few minutes, when you see their wounds, or their hearing aids that break so often, when you feel them shaking, when you know they will die in a few days or weeks – then you must become a different person.

You might cry when you’re alone, because you see that these people still live – they watch TV, they enjoy sweets, and they like to go out when the sun is shining. Yet they’re dying.

Dying, but still alive, and coping with the difficulties of every day.

There’s a huge gap between us. When I’m among them, just watching them live, I feel that I really don’t understand. I don’t have a clue what it is like to be old and sick. With the whole life behind, many years – is there anything that could surprise you? Can you learn anything new?

I am young and strong, and healthy. I have my life in front of me. I can change things, I can decide. They’ve done all that. Now they’re looking at the end. They might reflect on their life, they might come back again and again to those wonderful moments…

I have everything ahead, waiting for me. And I can do what I want with my life. I can decide whether I will lead a life full of love and attention to its beauties, or whether I will get busy with things that have no real value. Will I work on building my own profile, riches and fame, or will I look into the eyes of others, and marvel at people’s gifts?

Will I enjoy every single day, whether the sun is shining or not, knowing that there is somebody always caring about me and loving me? Will I live in the present moment, so that when that old age comes, I will be able to still live and not die too early?

When you sit among them, you must think about life. Not about death, but about life. That’s what we got and it’s so precious that you cannot ignore what you do with it.

If only I could give something to somebody.

Probably every woman fears inside the day when she is to give birth to her first child. No previous experience, and everybody around just goes on how painful it is.

Was reading Matthew’s gospel, and somewhere in the middle Jesus starts announcing his death and resurrection to his disciples. And he mentions it a couple of times. It looks like he was thinking a lot about it. Maybe even, I dare to say, he was afraid of the day of his crucifixion. But all the time, he had the fabulous resurrection in mind – he was looking beyond that Friday suffering.

If I am now expecting, and I am getting nervous about delivery, it’s ok, but all the time should I keep in mind the reason behind all that – and that’s my “resurrection” – the new life being born.

“As you have dedicated your self to the service of God, why do you still compare your life to the life of others, complaining about the inferiority of various circumstances of your life? Why do you regret serving God because of some losses which you suffer?”

Yesterday was looking to me a bit unsuccessful. A bad day, you might say. It all started when I forgot my mobile phone at home. So I went to the office, switched on my computer and when I wanted to call somebody – I realised that the phone was left at home. Well, I had to go back all the way home, pick it up and come back to the office.

However, I found one positive thing about my loss of memory – I could drop something to the post on my way back, and save some time. And as I knew that at our local post office, there is a grocery shop just besides it, I decided to treat myself and get me a chocolate or something.

But that day was different. I had been suffering from that “chocolate addiction” for ages, and I always take it as a failure when I eat too much of it. And I do. Really a lot.

But that day was different. Something happened and I simply didn’t go to the shop and I didn’t buy anything. Coming back to the office, I realised what the whole little trip was all about – it was meant to prove to myself that I can win, that it is possible.

Lord, every loss, every failure is for some reason. You know. You have invited me to live, and I couldn’t refuse. Now you bring me through life; and I can see my life unfolding like a flower in the morning – with all the gifts from you.

Yet still, evening will make the flower go down, and close its head. In the same way some of my gifts may wither – my beauty, health, strength, even my thinking and the common sense… But the life you gave me will never wither and I will always feel it as the Breath, the Moment, the Look, the Word: “I am who I am.”

It is as it is. And you know.

“You do not have to be learned nor extraordinarily talented to become holy. All your require is the grace of God and your own determination. Few people become saints, because it is easier to become learned than it is to make the necessary changes in one’s life in order to achieve sanctity.”

What changes should I make in my life and should I keep changing all the time? Yesterday I was told a story of Jean Maria Vianney – how he used to fast on potatoes only, because it saved him lots of time for preparation of food and he could spend that time helping people.

I was talking to a friend who works in a nursing home. She said that it’s kind of a  job everyone should try doing for at least 2 weeks. Seeing those old and often suffering people, you must start thinking about death and the value of life. And you will help. You will help those elderly people because you know that if you don’t smile at them now, they might be dead tomorrow…

As Eph 1,4 says: “God chose us in Christ before the creation of the world to be holy and without sin in his presence.”

So let’s put this into practice. Let’s reorganize our lives so that we find time to pray, time to help, time to smile. Let’s change our values – it’s not about being successful at work, or at school, it’s about being Successful in God’s eyes, according to His will. It’s about being Holy in His presence.

“Perseverance is the characteristic of the saints, because “he who endures to the last will be saved” (Mt 10:22).”

What does it mean, to endure to the last? What should I endure? Does Jesus mean the prayer, fast or doing good? I was thinking what should be the difference between a “normal” person and a saint these days. When I meet my schoolmates or colleagues, where should I be different from them, if I were to be a saint? Would it be visible at all?

Probably not. There probably wouldn’t be any glow around my head or any funny light in my eyes. Maybe there could be something what would evoke the desire for spirituality in others. Or maybe I would be very helpful and humble. Or maybe very joyful and happy, being able to make people laugh.

Anyway, I think that real holiness needs to be proven in what is invisible to others. That is the core, that is the place where we really grow. If I am faithful in my personal life, in times when I am on my own, when I can do whatever I want – and if I don’t do anything wrong then, it would be great.

There was a quiet boy with me sitting with me in the same class at school. I was never really interested in him and sometimes I felt superior to him – I was a better pupil, more talkative, more “interesting”. Yesterday I saw him for the first time after a few years. It was at the mass. He hasn’t changed much – still quiet and humble.  But I felt somehow from his movements and from his face that he is living a nice life, maybe in quietness and definitely with his way of understanding God. It’s funny how I hadn’t seen this when I was sitting with him at the same class.

Another example of perseverance is my old friend who has suffered from a strange and rather rare disease – it’s something to do with her stomach and I would say it’s something like a cancer, but maybe not so destroyable, but definitely very painful and it simply makes her go to hospital for several weeks when it develops. And despite her being on a strict diet, any tiny stress can make this sickness develop again and again – and my friend never knows when.

So she has been studying to become a teacher. She is very passionate about this job and would love to do it one day. But because of this sickness, she had to postpone her studies for several years now. Hopefully, she will graduate this year. Another of her strong desires is going abroad and working there. And I know that her English is great, and using her excellent skills, she would do really well. But again, her sickness will not let her go.

And I met her yesterday as well – we were talking for a while and I was speaking about my “normal” life – we went abroad, I’ve got a great job, in my field of study, I am getting better and better at marketing, earning money, living with my excellent husband, we have bought a flat, everything is sorted… And she then told me about herself, how she had been suffering in pain when the sickness got her, how she cannot do anything, as she never knows when the sickness comes back again and how much she would like to be abroad and prove that she also can do it, simply, to use her skills and talents…

Then she said that she knows that the sickness has helped her to get closer to God – that although she  had lost the opportunity to be successful in career, she now can succeed in God’s way – she can grow in love, in prayer, in spirit… And this is what got me. I could see myself standing there, being successful in life, but I know where my great room for improvement is, in terms of my relationship with God.

So what should we endure? What is the real holiness? What is the real Success?

“36.The problem is a very simple one. Before doing anything you should think: “Lord, what must I do?” (Acts 22:10). Carry out the will of God.

37. God desires it to rain, you desire the same. God desires it to be sunny, you desire the same. God desires things to be pleasant, you desire the same. God desires hardships for you, you desire the same. God desires suffering for you, you desire the same. To have but one will with God is the secret of happiness.”

If I have nothing, nothing can I lose. If I always want what somebody else wants, they never can go against me and they always will support me. If I want and do what God wants, I am happy.

So the key to the ultimate Success is to learn what the will of God is and to fulfill it all the time – in every single moment. And whatever happens, it can never hit me, as I will be focused only on His will. Yes, I can be destroyed, but He will never be. I can fail, but He never will. And it’s Him who is important here, not me – I am just His happy servant.

“If Our Lord wishes you to endure some disgrace because of your duty, He is actually giving you at that time something of the honor of his Holy Cross.

Let your response be “O Lord, the place of my duty is Calvary and I am the holocaust.””

Lord, when I’m looking at your cross, I can feel the extreme power that comes from your suffering. When I’m reading the Gospel, suddenly can I see Your life in front of me as one complex, in total union with God, fulfilling His will. When I pray to You, I can hear You inviting me to join you in Your suffering and to become one with God.

And yet I am nobody; I have never suffered, never got really united with God’s will, never really prayed. I am just a little baby who just woke up and is now looking at Your smiling face – and I do want to be with You, to get to know You, I do want to unite with You. But I don’t know how. I am nobody; no spiritual experience, no willpower to sacrifice myself, no idea what holiness is about.

But You do know. You know how to pray, as You spent hours at night-time prayers at lonely places in Israel. You know how to suffer, since You let us nail You to the cross. And You suffered for our sins – because we are not choosing the way of happiness and that we are to fall down unless we accept Your sacrifice.

Finally, You know what it means to be in total union with God, since You performed His will all the time.

Jesus, I’ve no idea what I should be doing, but You do. I’ve no power to become holy, but You can change hearts. I’ve no courage to ask for suffering, but You will lead me through it. Please, come now, give me your strength, your prayer, help me to overcome and deny myself and follow you. I also want to be one with God.

“There are some people who, while not carrying their own cross or anybody else’s, still imagine their own cross is too heavy. Some are eager to take upon their own shoulder everyone else’s cross, but refuse to carry their own.”

Many times have I heard of people suffering terribly – diseases, bad accidents, relationships, hunger – there are so many ways. And I have been “lucky” – no problems like this so far. But still – I sometimes complain.

And I was thinking what if something serious happened to me – would I still be able to smile and be happy? There were days when I thought I would bear anything – and yet when there was just a small accident – when I once fell of my bike, I was shocked – and I felt it as total unfairness.

And I was putting myself in shoes of my friends who had some problems – and I thought I would handle their issues better than they did. But I also have some little things – especially all those temptations I still cannot resist.

And these are my problems – I feel I haven’t been worth any bigger suffering as I am not able to bear these little things. I need to do my best in small things, that nobody actually sees – and then I can grow.

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