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“Everybody would say, “This man is a cause of misfortune to me”; but, you should say, “This man is the instrument which God is using to transform me.””

Today I heard a story of one girl who I know from a business networking group. She works as a recruiter and she always impressed me somehow as a person – she is very well “kept” – all that beauty stuff which I never got to use, she’s in great form and looks well, always positive, she definitely knows how to communicate – so an ideal person, you would say.

That’s why I was looking at her and trying to learn from her. At the same time, there was something competitive – I was asking myself where do I stand, compared to her – whether, for other people, I am as friendly and nice as she is.

Going further, this would even develop into a bit of jealousy.

But as I heard her story this morning, a lot changed. Suddenly I realised that she’s a person who works a lot and that she’s been looking for the meaning of life and not just having fun and enjoying success. In her early days, she trained as a ballerina, even went to Russia, but then she had some issues with her back, so couldn’t carry on any more.

Then she did some studies and started her own business.

It always amazes me how rich each person’s life is. And I can think how great mine is, but still, I will never be able to fully grasp and understand what other people are going through.

That’s why I will now approach everybody with an open ear and a lot of curiosity to find out most about them.

“If you wish to judge a person’s apostolic effectiveness, look at his/her life of prayer.”

Now I would like to hide myself somewhere to the deepest corner where nobody would find me. And having had various successes, starting from school, up to work and karate, I know Who I should thank to for all I got.

And yet I don’t spend more than 15 mins praying every day. And I would like to delete from my life all days when I didn’t pray at all. Those days were a waste. A waste of time, a waste of life, a waste of God. Was I really living those days?

How about today? Is it a paradox to say to God, “God, sorry that I am not praying“?

And the thing is that He is still there, looking at me and smiling. And maybe He is even laughing out loud (I just love that phrase) when He sees my unpreparedness for the real discipleship, but despite that I am trying so hard – and yet omitting the most important thing. Just pray and that’s it.

It’s no hard work though. Just sit down, and be present. Just feel Him. Feel His smile. Feel His deep look. His understanding touch. He is here with you, all the time. You don’t need to go anywhere, you don’t need to move a finger. Everything is at hand. Everything is here. Now.

Lord, thanks at least for this blog, which makes me think of you at least once a day. And sorry that today I left it for the evening, because, you know, there were some more important things to do. And yes, maybe more interesting – more entertaining?

You know, God, I have some more gods apart from You. You are not the only one in my life. I love food, I love karate, I love success and when anybody just praises me… You know – You are not everything in my life. I cannot just spend all the time with You – I need to do so many more important tasks – go to work, look after the household, do some exercise…

…And then Jesus looked at his disciples with love and…

“Rejoice at your own success but thank God when someone else is more successful than you.”

St. Paul says in one of his letters, that we should in humility consider others to be greater than ourselves.

So why then is it so pleasing when somebody makes a mistake or when I learn about somebody who is generally considered highly moral, that they did something wrong?

It gives me that lift that I am better. That I wouldn’t make such a mistake. And it feels good.

On the other hand, I hate to see that somebody has beaten me in a competition or at work.

For this reason, maybe it is good that there is actually no measurement for holiness and that I cannot say that I am more holy than anybody else. As this is what I would take as the ultimate Success.

“Perseverance is the characteristic of the saints, because “he who endures to the last will be saved” (Mt 10:22).”

What does it mean, to endure to the last? What should I endure? Does Jesus mean the prayer, fast or doing good? I was thinking what should be the difference between a “normal” person and a saint these days. When I meet my schoolmates or colleagues, where should I be different from them, if I were to be a saint? Would it be visible at all?

Probably not. There probably wouldn’t be any glow around my head or any funny light in my eyes. Maybe there could be something what would evoke the desire for spirituality in others. Or maybe I would be very helpful and humble. Or maybe very joyful and happy, being able to make people laugh.

Anyway, I think that real holiness needs to be proven in what is invisible to others. That is the core, that is the place where we really grow. If I am faithful in my personal life, in times when I am on my own, when I can do whatever I want – and if I don’t do anything wrong then, it would be great.

There was a quiet boy with me sitting with me in the same class at school. I was never really interested in him and sometimes I felt superior to him – I was a better pupil, more talkative, more “interesting”. Yesterday I saw him for the first time after a few years. It was at the mass. He hasn’t changed much – still quiet and humble.  But I felt somehow from his movements and from his face that he is living a nice life, maybe in quietness and definitely with his way of understanding God. It’s funny how I hadn’t seen this when I was sitting with him at the same class.

Another example of perseverance is my old friend who has suffered from a strange and rather rare disease – it’s something to do with her stomach and I would say it’s something like a cancer, but maybe not so destroyable, but definitely very painful and it simply makes her go to hospital for several weeks when it develops. And despite her being on a strict diet, any tiny stress can make this sickness develop again and again – and my friend never knows when.

So she has been studying to become a teacher. She is very passionate about this job and would love to do it one day. But because of this sickness, she had to postpone her studies for several years now. Hopefully, she will graduate this year. Another of her strong desires is going abroad and working there. And I know that her English is great, and using her excellent skills, she would do really well. But again, her sickness will not let her go.

And I met her yesterday as well – we were talking for a while and I was speaking about my “normal” life – we went abroad, I’ve got a great job, in my field of study, I am getting better and better at marketing, earning money, living with my excellent husband, we have bought a flat, everything is sorted… And she then told me about herself, how she had been suffering in pain when the sickness got her, how she cannot do anything, as she never knows when the sickness comes back again and how much she would like to be abroad and prove that she also can do it, simply, to use her skills and talents…

Then she said that she knows that the sickness has helped her to get closer to God – that although she  had lost the opportunity to be successful in career, she now can succeed in God’s way – she can grow in love, in prayer, in spirit… And this is what got me. I could see myself standing there, being successful in life, but I know where my great room for improvement is, in terms of my relationship with God.

So what should we endure? What is the real holiness? What is the real Success?

“Results and success are two different things. There may be no outward signs of results, but instead, an increase in experience, an increase in humility an increase in your faith in God. That is your success from a supernatural point of view.”

Today I went to our youth mass – the mass where I used to play the guitar in the choir every Friday 2 years ago. Now, after 6 months when I heard them play the last time, I got a chance to see them in action again. They were excellent. Much better than before – the quality of the music was just great – I cannot express how harmonious it all was – and they had the full band playing and the singers were brilliant – all the solos and the choir as a complex thing – simply, I stayed speechless.

But it was not only the music they were playing. I could see there is nobody a real “leader” in terms of standing out from the crowd. Yes, there was a conductor, but the whole thing looked more like they are one team, that it all was a result of them working together. I could see that everybody had their own role there.

And it still is not everything. The mass itself. Yes, I could see familiar faces. The same people as 2 years ago. A few new guys, anyway. But I simply felt at home – although I had left, they all kept coming to this mass every Friday.

Ok, I have earned lots of money. I can now speak English much better. I have learned an awfully lot, working abroad. But this mass… It’s something I had to sacrifice, something where I have been missing, as I belong here. I have delivered results, but these people are successful, although they maybe never achieve what I’ve “achieved”. 

I just pray that I will be more humble and that my faith will strengthen even though I have been chasing other things. Lord, please, grant me more experience which I can get through persistence, give me more humility, so that I can really serve others and listen to them, give me more faith, so that I can pray according to your will and be successful in Your eyes.

“36.The problem is a very simple one. Before doing anything you should think: “Lord, what must I do?” (Acts 22:10). Carry out the will of God.

37. God desires it to rain, you desire the same. God desires it to be sunny, you desire the same. God desires things to be pleasant, you desire the same. God desires hardships for you, you desire the same. God desires suffering for you, you desire the same. To have but one will with God is the secret of happiness.”

If I have nothing, nothing can I lose. If I always want what somebody else wants, they never can go against me and they always will support me. If I want and do what God wants, I am happy.

So the key to the ultimate Success is to learn what the will of God is and to fulfill it all the time – in every single moment. And whatever happens, it can never hit me, as I will be focused only on His will. Yes, I can be destroyed, but He will never be. I can fail, but He never will. And it’s Him who is important here, not me – I am just His happy servant.

I have seen and read about a lot of highly successful people – business, career, charity, books etc.

And sometimes I’ve also felt that I am successful – basically everything I started I brought somewhere – and I’ve gained a lot of useful skills. Earning decent money, living a reasonably good life…

And yesterday I was thinking: this is all great, if I decide to focus on something and if I change my life style, and actually start doing it, I will become successful in it – surely!

So what is it that I will choose, for my life, to concentrate on? There are many things I’ve started already and there are lots of desires inside myself, as Nickelback sing in their “Rockstar” song which I love. Sure you’ve heard it already – I suggest you just pause now and watch it once again and listen to the words:

A bit cranky, isn’t it? But I think they got it in that we all maybe secretly desire to be famous, to be successful, to be “rockstars” (or is it just my own secret desire?).

Anyway, coming back to yesterday night, I suddenly heard a voice saying that I want to achieve “God’s Success”. What is it? It is a success you will get when you pray, fast, read Bible, go to church, meditate, do some charity work, write a blog on holiness, love your neighbours, serve greatly, become a slave to others (but keeping your own dignity, right?), love, love, love,… and, smile.

If I have now spent hours studying marketing and SEO, if I’ve spent days and weeks working to gain more experience so that I can be a successful marketer in future – why not to switch and focus on this “God’s Success”? Is this Success something I really want?

I am sure that after I achieve it, the rest can be given to me – and then I will probably not hold it for important, anyway.

People around me are doing it already – so now I want to get up and go – and reach my target.

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The following ideas come from Nguyen Van Thuan’s excellent book “The Road of Hope – A Gospel from Prison” and I recommend it strongly to anyone looking to grow in holiness.

102. If everybody should approve of you, but God disapproves of your conduct, how terrible for you! If everybody should insult you, falsely accuse you or persecute you, but God praise you, happy are you, for the Kingdom of Heaven is yours (Lk 6:22).

103. What use is it if everybody should affirm you, but God disapprove of you? If everybody should mock you, but God affirms you, happy are you! When the crowd cried out, “We must have Barabbas released!” (Lk 23:18), Barabbas remained a robber just the same. When the crowd shouted, “Crucify Him!” (Lk 23:21), Our Lord was still the sinless Son of God.

104. If you are faced with ungrateful people who have betrayed you and falsely accused you, what hurts you most is irrational malice which pours forth from those who you least expected to act thus. Your reaction in such circumstances should be: to forgive right from the heart, to beg forgiveness for one’s enemies, to pray with love for them to be converted, and then in this way you will not need to rely on the consolation of the world.

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A typical reply to ‘How are you?’ in Africa is ‘I am well if you are well.’ Isn’t it a completely different philosophy from ours? We usually say: ‘I am well, thanks.’ or ‘Not too bad.’ Sometimes followed by the polite necessity ‘And you?’

But who does really care how you are? Who is really interested in how you feel, what you’ve been thinking about, how is life for you? Maybe your partner, parents and a few real friends.

So the reply ‘I am well if you are well’ moves us somewhere further – maybe you don’t care how I really am, but I am interested in how you are and you need to realise and feel how you are – and please, let me know so that I can share your feeling.

And there is another dimension to it – Africans tend to be more social as a community than ourselves. We are very individualistic, ‘If I am well, everything is ok‘. But they tend to depend on each other more – I won’t be happy unless you are happy as well.

From this point of view, let’s look at success. There is no sense in being successful if people around you are not successful as well. However, what I feel is happening in our days is, that I am somehow happy when others fail so that my success can stand out more. So somehow I am trying to make others unhappy or unsuccessful so that I can succeed easier.

But let’s think of our friends and all people around us as a community and that, eventually, if any of them is sick or unhappy, we all have somehow failed.

So from now on, I want to succeed only if people around me succeed and if they are happy. As success these days is understood more in those ‘hard data’ – money, career, performance…

When you get sick, you obtain a completely different outlook on life and suddenly you feel ashamed for the values you’ve had before. You don’t care about money any more, and your position at work has no meaning to you, either. You feel like you have been mad and senselessly running around to meet stupid deadlines.

When you are sick, everything pauses and you have time to look at life with different eyes, with different values – suddenly you see that there’s much more to it – even when you are just lying in bed all the time – and you realise the importance of relationships, purity, God…

Then, success is nothing and you don’t care any more. All you want, is peace and love.

So let’s all be well, let’s look at life from a different angle – we don’t have to get sick, but let’s live with values as if we were. What is success that we are chasing every day, forgetting about our health, family, God?

Let’s be well all together, not just myself and my family, but I am well if you are well.

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Get to the very bottom so that I can bounce and get back to normal, or even higher than before. Is this sinusoide of failures and successes in life something we were designed for?

This week I came accross Ecclesiastes:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

So what is the meaning of our time? What is the purpose of our development, of our growth? Why are we here, why should we strive for somehting higher? Why do we need to fail thousand times before we are able to succeed once? Where are we in all this and will we be rewarded even despite all these failures?

Also, was thinking, looking at my friends and successful people I know, that success maybe comes with persistance. It’s all about doing certain things every day – pray every day, blog every day, study every day, eat and sleep well every day, exercise every day, love every day… And I can do these, I can organise my time and my activities so that every day I will follow those little things so that I will grow. But what if there is one day I stop? What if there is one short while I am lazy or doubtful, or simply forget about the reason for all this – and then I break? What will happen then? Will I fall back down where I am now?

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