GrowHoly.com

It’s 7am.

You’re wrecked. Haven’t slept for the whole night. Hungry. No time to go down into the kitchen and get something. You badly need a shower. Besides you a huge pile of dirty nappies you need to wash…

But the little one smiles at you. Widely. And you smile back.

Well, you’re a mother. And you’re happy. I mean, really happy.

I have everything, I am healthy and strong. I am happy. All is well. I got it all without any effort, it’s been a gift for me and I am grateful for it.

But should I see life then as effortless and should I just go around and enjoy it fully?

Should I not keep my eyes open and see others who might be in troubles, people who maybe didn’t get as much as I did, or simply who are at present in some problems? Should I not be ready to offer all what I got if it was to help them?

Does it mean it would lessen my own happiness?

Love grows through sharing.

And I had to look. I had to look for a place where I could be useful and a tiny bit give from what I’ve received. Singing in a hospice, where people suffer, the elderly who have lived their whole lives, and now, standing at the gate of death, they suffer extremely – both physically and mentally – so should I not give them a bit of joy I have inside?

Whenever you give, you get much more back.

When you see them torn and exhausted bodies, but with a smile in their eyes, you want to come back and do it again. It’s all you can do, anyway, you can’t help them otherwise than just sing for them.

And your life gets even richer.

Yesterday I checked one of my favourite singers on the Internet. She is, funnily enough, a gospel singer, in her forties, and watching her videos, and various interviews with her, I told myself – I would like to be like her – she’s great – she looks the way I would like to look, in terms of clothing, hair and her figure, she plays the guitar, she sings well, she smiles, she is intelligent – and religious in that good way – and she is successful.

But then I went on to read about her life – and I found out that she also has controversal viewpoints on various things in life, and that she got divorced.

Wow. I’m not here to judge, but family life is something that for me, personally is very important, especially if you have kids like she did – and getting divorced definitely doesn’t belong to traits of an ideal person for me. Again, I do not want to judge anyone, since I know relationships can get complicated, and mine is still at the beginning, so I cannot even guarantee it for myself.

However, that day I realised that I shouldn’t be trying to project myself onto somebody else, I should stay who I am instead, and try to live an ideal life as I see it. Yes, I can model any singer, I can look well, smile and be successful – but at the same time, I can go even further, because this is my life, I know myself, I can be honest with myself and see the true picture – and I can decide how important it is for me to live an ideal life, with as few flaws as possible, learning every day and growing towards becoming the best ‘Me’.

You are most beautiful when you smile.

You can put on tons of make-up, you can do your hair, buy a new dress – but unless you smile, your beauty is just artificial.

Keep smiling heartedly, and you will work miracles in people’s lives. Keep smiling from your deepest heart, and you will see people around you smiling back. You will be the most beautiful person in the world, and the whole world will smile at you.

And don’t forget to smile back to God.

“Sacrifice and contemplative prayer go hand in hand. If you do not practice sacrifice, do not complain if your contemplative prayer has grown cold.”

Just a small fast. Just some small sacrifice. Just do what you are told to do. Just love when somebody hurts you. Just be positive when somebody is not perfect. Just smile when you have to get up too early for work. Just close your eyes calmly when anything hurts.

Then just tell your God: “Thanks, because it’s You who are looking after me, it’s You who makes me happy.”

And you will never feel empty inside, because He will fill you up all the time.

“You seek a friend to comfort you, one who will ease your loneliness. Why not look for a friend who will never let you down, one who will stay with you continuously wherever you may be?”

Yesterday I had my karate class again. For me, it’s a bit weird – I am there on my own, among 20 other people, but I am the only foreigner. Well, they are very friendly and supportive, but still, I feel slightly alone there. Karate became my new hobby and I spend quite a lot of time practising on my own, watching videos, reading books…

And I aim high. There’s the grading on 21st April and I would like to get yellow, or even green belt, even though I just started in January.

So yesterday they called me and other guys to show what we’ve learnt, and I felt I did quite well. But nobody said nothing. I was expecting some feedback – either, brilliant, you are really doing well, you’ll have no problem at all to pass – or, that’s terrible, you need to do something about your shoulders, knee positions, hand movements, etc.

But nobody said nothing.

So at the end of the class I went to the head sensei, and asked him for some feedback. And all he gave me was, that the next class we will have a mockup grading, and that I will get the feedback there.

Now I felt quite embarrassed about myself. Imagine at school, a young fella, who is trying hard, and wants to please the teacher – I felt as if I was something like that.

On my way home, I really felt alone. But then, passing by the seacoast on my bike, there was a touch of something very deep – and it was not the sea, it was somebody like God. And I could feel what I’d got, being healthy and fit, young and strong, and a beautiful evening it was – I have everything I could imagine. And I smiled. And God smiled back.

That evening, I resolved never to complain about anything, because God is He who loves me. He is always with me, giving me much more gifts than I can carry. He is supporting me all the time, whatever happens.

On my way back some youngsters threw eggs on me, and then, to make things worse, I got a puncture on my bike.

And I smiled, knowing that God is still here.

“Set aside a few quite moments every day to help you to advance in the interior life. How many minutes have you set aside lately?”

Get up before 6am, wash your face with a cold water, go out to the nearest river – and stand there for 7 mins. Or maybe for 10. Or you might stay for 15 minutes.

Just be. Just listen. Just feel.

Feel the morning. The reflection of the rising Sun in the flowing water. The ducks and swans looking for breakfast (The other day one huge swan found 2 hot dogs thrown into the river – and she ate them both! And then tell people about a healthy life style or a raw food diet!). The sky full in colours – blue, yellow, orange, sometimes pink – depending on what that’s day’s weather will be.

Nobody out there. Just me and the ducks. And God. Maybe? No, surely He is there. Looking at me, and smiling.

And I must smile back, knowing that there is an excellent day ahead of me, waiting for me to live it through. And although there might be some obstacles, or my laziness, or a bit of pain and overcoming needed – still I know that when I come here tomorrow morning, He still will be here, smiling at me again, saying: “It’s OK. Everything is OK.”

Come back home and read the Bible. Not too much, just a few words. See Jesus walking on the place where “there was a lot of grass”. And then multiplying those five loaves. And then going away, to the solitude, to the nature – to pray.

Without these few moments, there is no advance, there is nothing happening in my life. Although Jesus is still there, I need to be aware of Him. I need to smile back.

“You ask, when do you have to commence to live this interior life? You have to commence it from this very moment and you have to recommence it each and every day.”

During lent, we often start anew, we make various resolutions and commitments. So do I. Today is the third day of lent, and while everything was ok on the Ash Wednesday, yesterday I dropped the ball.

How will I go to the park tonight and look into sky? What will I say to God? Sorry, but I was trying to be perfect, but in the end, ended up doing things that not even animals would do?

Is it enough to say “sorry”?!

What will He reply – will He smile again, as He always had?

I did those things almost immediately after I finished my deepest dialogue with Him.

He gives me only the best things, the best fruit to eat, He gives me success at work and in relationships, He makes me do well – and I do not keep my word. I do not listen to Him, I do not obey Him.

Yesterday I broke our relationship, yesterday I didn’t keep the contract. He cannot now rely on me any more, He cannot trust me.

There’s the river flowing. Lots of water, every second. Now. And I feel the river as His breath, as a sign of His everlasting Presence. Now. Now. Now.

And He is quiet. He will wait and give me another chance. He knows what I will do, how I will follow Him. He knows.

“Shout for all you are worth.” Yes, I will shout, I will go and learn how to obey You next time.

“You wish to set fire to the whole world by the love which the Gospel preaches; you wish to conquer the five continents. Your every moment should be a flash of fire, the fire of your duty, of your obedience, of your patience. Such a flame will burn brightly to illuminate the whole world.”

What love does the Gospel preach? The love of Europeans who killed American Indians a few years ago? The love of Christians setting for war to protect their ‘holy city’? The love with which we really ‘conquered’ the five continents so that they are now poor and hungry?

No, this is not the true Love of Gospel. The Love Jesus speaks about, is His Love. The unconditional, understanding and listening Love. The Love that breaks hearts from inside – you don’t need to say a word. The Love that understands all your weaknesses so that you don’t need to say sorry any more. The Love that shines inside of you and which you sometimes are not even aware of. The Love with which the Great Spirit created the world. The Love that puts us all together. The Love you can feel now.

The Love that makes you die on the cross, the Love that makes you smile when something hurts. The Love that is so deep that you cannot talk about it with anyone. The Love that is God.

I have seen and read about a lot of highly successful people – business, career, charity, books etc.

And sometimes I’ve also felt that I am successful – basically everything I started I brought somewhere – and I’ve gained a lot of useful skills. Earning decent money, living a reasonably good life…

And yesterday I was thinking: this is all great, if I decide to focus on something and if I change my life style, and actually start doing it, I will become successful in it – surely!

So what is it that I will choose, for my life, to concentrate on? There are many things I’ve started already and there are lots of desires inside myself, as Nickelback sing in their “Rockstar” song which I love. Sure you’ve heard it already – I suggest you just pause now and watch it once again and listen to the words:

A bit cranky, isn’t it? But I think they got it in that we all maybe secretly desire to be famous, to be successful, to be “rockstars” (or is it just my own secret desire?).

Anyway, coming back to yesterday night, I suddenly heard a voice saying that I want to achieve “God’s Success”. What is it? It is a success you will get when you pray, fast, read Bible, go to church, meditate, do some charity work, write a blog on holiness, love your neighbours, serve greatly, become a slave to others (but keeping your own dignity, right?), love, love, love,… and, smile.

If I have now spent hours studying marketing and SEO, if I’ve spent days and weeks working to gain more experience so that I can be a successful marketer in future – why not to switch and focus on this “God’s Success”? Is this Success something I really want?

I am sure that after I achieve it, the rest can be given to me – and then I will probably not hold it for important, anyway.

People around me are doing it already – so now I want to get up and go – and reach my target.

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