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With lent having started, many of my friends decided to give up something – usually sweets or TV, or anything else. Was wondering whether I should do the same.

Would it not just be my way of making myself “clear” or “ok”, or simply “religious enough” – if I would impose such fasting on myself? Since at the moment I tend to enjoy things and I am indulging quite a lot – should I limit this in any way, just to show how good I am?

I don’t feel that I should force anything on myself now. Like Jesus said – while the bridegroom is still with them, they won’t fast, but when he leaves, then they will fast. I still feel that the time hasn’t come yet.

However, if God wants me to do some sacrifice, I would be happy to do it – but maybe would need to see more reason behind – like helping somebody, or at least something that I would know would strengthen me, or move me forward.

If I give up some sweets now, I believe, it will just make me nervous and want even more after the lent is over.

Is this the type of fast God is looking for?

“Speak frequently to Mary, the beloved Mother of God. This is most pleasing to God, who is present in your heart.”

At the moment I don’t understand this sentence indepth.

I am still struggling with myself - getting rid of my ego, and trying to find the way to change. It will have to be a complete change, with forgetting all my old ways, and fully commiting myself to work on God’s side.

Lord, please, forgive me my hesitating. Please, be patient enough till I come to You, or force me to come to You, please, let me get rid of all that hinders on my way to You. Please, Lord, let me understand that You are within me already, that I am just covering all the riches You are giving me with my sins and ignorance.

Lord, please hear my cry, let me change, let me change today, so that tomorrow I will be closer to You. Lord, please, don’t let me live without You!!

“Live at God’s side and you will become a saint, since heaven is nothing other than the presence of God.”

Today I was praying for sanctity. Then failed greatly again – with food and work. Am I not able to do it?

However, I was thinking, being in the church, that there is gold and wood. I don’t want to be like a golden calich, I would prefer to be a wooden… cross.

Lord, please, give me the strength and the patience. Let me get to that goal one day.

“The reality of the presence of God by your side is not just a question of feelings. God takes complete possession of you, leading, loving, and consoling you.”

Today I was reading the beginning of John’s Gospel. The Word.

If Jesus really is the Son, or the Expression of that Being Who created the whole world and the Universe – then all questions are being answered in Jesus. The Beginning and the End. Alfa & Omega.

Should I then worry about anything else?

Surely, I should, because I am a human being, set into a human environment, with human limits. However, these days, also being led by the biography of St. Ignatius of Loyola, I feel as if hard work on ourselves really is required if we want to become an expression of God.

First of all, I need to get rid of my ego, my selfishness. This is the key if I want to grow in understanding and expression of God. God, who is everything and is in me.

Lord, please, get me on the way, and support me on this long journey. I haven’t started yet, but when I start, please, make sure that all my steps will be with You.

“In your relationship with God, your conscience is sufficient, but with other people, you also need wisdom because their eyes do not see your conscience.”

Yesterday I started to read a biography of St Ignatius of Loyola. An amazing life, probably as many other lives lived here by many men and women. However, I like Ignatius and his way of doing things, as far as I know him. And I think we have one thing similar – a ceaseless desire for glory, and a neverending imagination and visualising ourselves as saving other people, or doing great deeds.

When I was young, I used to imagine millions of times how I am saving my classmates from a catastrophy, or doing anything really great, so that others would admire me. Not sure whether this was the main motiff – probably the biggest trigger was just the desire to do something really great.

Now I still want to shine in the limelight, and I am involved in lots of various projects, so that one day I might end up doing something really big.

However, is this the key? Would it be possible to transform this my desire for greater glory, to a sincere wish to serve God – as Ignatius used to say - to the Greater Glory of God?

“Consider the greeting of the angel: “Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you!” (Lk 1:28), and the greeting of the Church: “The Lord be with you.” Aren’t these greetings full of profound significance and capable of changing your life?”

Today I was reading about the two guys going to Emaus. Jesus appeared to them on their way. Do we need Jesus to appear, or are we able to recognize Him in every day life?

What is it that we sometimes forget about the source of our life? How can we make ourselves available to Him all the time, instead of letting us being taken over by our desires, egos and greed?

Lord, please, let me feel Your presence along the way. Let me be with You, let me have You inside of me.

“Why do some Christians complain that they are lonely? Where is their Christ?”

Lord, today I made another mistake on the way. I had a very valuable meeting with two friends who are active within our community and I admire both of them as very hardworking and motivated persons, who seem to be good before You.

And I was hungry to talk to them, to get to know them better. So this evening was supposed to be unique. However, now I feel that all the time spent with them was wasted. Wasted by myself. How much could I have learned!

I was talking about myself a lot. I was showing how smart and clever I am. I was giving them advice. Me, who am not even their age.

If I was asking the right questions all the time, I could have learned so much more! Now, I’ve really missed an opportunity. I don’t know how they feel, and what reflexion on the meeting they have and whether they don’t take it as a wasted evening.

Lord, please, give me another chance, let me MEET these people again, and let me listen to what they have to say instead of me talking all the time.

Lord, You were listening to the poorest, You didn’t say anything when people were telling lies against You. Please, teach me to shut up when I meet people.

“Jesus is everything to you; he is the object of all your desires, the reason behind all your decisions, the power beneath all your emotions and the model of all your actions.”

Yesterday evening was very interesting. My husband went to work a night shift, so I had a shower and went to bed quite early. To pray.

And I was feeling that connection with the Universe, and that what is inside of me. I was feeling God – the Powerful, Amazing, full of Love and Peace. I was feeling Him, and was not afraid. It was beautiful.

I had to cry, because the feeling was so intense. And I was asking for forgiveness of all my sins, since they stand in the way of this feeling. I was asking God who He is, and what is the meaning of life, and who is Jesus, and whether I can fully believe to the Church. And then I prayed the whole Rosary – and it was great. Feeling like one of those long evenings when I was praying that as a child. God loves me.

Lord, You are the Mover, the Beginning and the End. Please, make me a tool in Your hands, I would love to participate on Your Masterpiece of life.

“God’s presence to you is not just a pious idea; it is a reality. God our Father is at your side with all his power and love. He is the Father who persuades you, who counsels you, who calls you, who admonishes you, who forgives you, and who loves you always.”

Yesterday we met one of our interesting friends – he is not religious, but he has great views on God and the meaning of life. He also told us his version of creation.

There was the Sun and the Earth in the state of a gassy planet, something like Venus nowadays is, fiercy and spinning around the Sun very fast. Then, there was a Rock, that came somewhere from the Universe, collecting all the different items and chemicals – gasses, ice etc. – on its way. Suddenly the Rock hit the Earth, went through it, and stayed at the orbital of the Earth.

But the Earth changed, and with all the chemicals, and the ice the Rock had brought, the life was enabled. And the Rock stayed in the Eearth’s area as the Moon. So it all began.

This is one of the numerous theories, not sure if fully supported by science, but it serves as a nice explanation of the “role” of God and love.

There was the Earth, and the Rock, and the Sun. But the story is really about the Earth and the Rock, the Sun was “just” something that enabled the story to be as it happened. With its gravity, it drove the Rock to the Earth.

Similarly, it could be with God. He is there, and without Him we wouldn’t be where we are. You can even apply this story on a relationship between a woman and a man. The Rock, the man travels along, until he finds the Earth, runs through it, and the new life begins. All the time, God is here with His Love, to enable all this to happen.

It always fascinates me to hear about God from people who don’t consider themselves too religious. I believe this is something we should always listen to, and not ignore these people as somebody who “don’t know the truth”. God is here for all of us, and He is different for everyone, yet at the same time He is the only one and he really does care.

“The pealing of a bell or the spire of a church is a reminder that Jesus is in a tabernacle nearby. Then raise your heart toward that place to worship and love God.”

Today I was thinking about the meaning of prayer. Should I spend an hour in prayer every day, or should I rather focus on helping people and finishing my hundreds of projects?