GrowHoly.com

…you will always succeed.

One day I planned that I would go to the mass during working hours – since I could then work later in the evening. And just as I was leaving, I noticed I got an email from a client asking me to do something within the next hour – if I could.

I stopped for a minute. It would take me about half an hour, meaning that I wouldn’t make it for the mass. But it was one of the important clients. Anyway, I decided to send him just a brief report that took me 5 min to create, apologising that I’m just leaving the office – and I left.

When I came back to my computer, I found an email saying – many thanks, that’s exactly what I was looking for – you’re a star!

Once I was just lazy to go to the mass on one of the “obligatory” holy days (I think it was something do to with Mary) and I told myself that I would go the next day. And I didn’t. So I got angry and on the following day got up early and went to 7.30am mass. And took the communion, since I had had the confession not long before that.

And I cannot explain what that is, but there must be something in the Eucharist, don’t know what, but I now feel that somehow it is the right way and the right thing to do for me now. So I kept going to the mass in the last few days.

Last week my husband bought a new mobile phone, one of those fancy ones, with touch screen, and great functionalities. And we discovered that we can download breviary to it, and pray every evening in this old-fashioned way – something very strange for us, especially for myself, since I was always a fan of that open dialogue with God, but this is something that puts us with my husband even more together and it has a good structure in it.

After all the doubts about Catholic way of living with God, and all the questions… They still are there, but there is someting much more at the same time – someting I cannot understand. Who is Jesus, anyway?

“Act in such a way that your thoughts, words, and deeds will cause others to remark: “This is a person steeped in one book, the Gospel, and inspired by one ideal, the life of Jesus Christ.””

Today I achieved my first goal re winning over my greed – I was 61 kg in the morning, which is those planned 6 days after I made the resolution. Now the second step is to get to 60 kg by next Monday, then to 59 kg the following week, and the rest of my life try to maintain that weight.

Yesterday I achieved another, and probably even more important goal – I made friends with my Mum in law.

We went to the mass together, and then ended up in a tea garden, where we stayed for several hours, having lots cups of tea, but chatting very well. I used to hate some of her characteristics – and yet now I realise that they all come from a difficult life she’s gone through, and that when watched closely and with love, she really is a wonderful person.

She is like a child in many ways – she is able to enjoy flowers, sing songs any time, pray an hour every day, smile and laugh at simple things, cook great foods and then also eat them – and jump and do sommersaults.

It used to be my inacceptance and resentment towards her, which made me angry with her and feeling uncomfortable in her presence. Now I realise this, and would like to take the next step towards having a great relationship with her, and looking forward to meeting her again.

If we are to live like Christians, we need to live like Jesus. He didn’t reject anybody – and we need to prove this also in our closest relationships.

Lord, please, help my Mum in law to get acceptance also from others around her, and help herself to be able to listen to people and to what they really are looking for, and help her provide for them, so that the love can grow steadily.

“All the small things you do are very important; do not despise them. If you progress in small things, you will train your will to be rock-solid and you will master yourself.”

How important is it to go to a mass every day? Where should it be in my order of priorities? Should I neglect other things in order to be able to spend these 20 minutes in prayer?

I’ve read lots of books & articles about how important attending a mass really is. So should I be now in a mass, rather than writing this blog?

“The great-hearted person is not boastful, but possesses a spirit of self-sacrifice. This person is like a lump of sugar or grain of salt which, when dissolved, adds flavour to food.”

Yesterday I didn’t manage to share with my husband. I don’t share with people. Anything. And yet I see the gift of sharing, or giving, as one of the most important actions we do.

Lord, please, help me to share with my friends, today, help me to give food to those who are hungry, talk to those who are sad, laugh with those who are happy, and sing with those who want to dance.

Lord, don’t let me miss any opportunity to share what I have. Don’t let me be lazy to go to work, or too tired to play at the mass. Don’t let me say no to anybody when they ask me for help.

From now on, if somebody asks me for help, my answer will be “yes”.

“The older the saints became, the younger their hearts became.”

Today I celebrated my birthday. Generally I don’t like these celebrations – as I haven’t done anything special to deserve to be rewarded… But it’s nice when your friends think about you.

My husband told somebody of our community about my birthday, and today they all congratulated me. It started at the mass, when the priest himself gave me a huge bunch of flowers toward the end of the service.

I was shocked, and surprised, and happy. They were so nice. I heard so many positive comments, great wishings etc. They made me feel special. I play in the choir every week, so they value me.

But who am I, guys? I am nobody, I am nothing. I am getting older, but I don’ t really want this recognition, because anyone from this community is much greater and better than myself. If only you knew who I really am, if only you saw my sins and failures… If only you knew how little I am sometimes interested in you guys, and how often I would prefer to be somewhere else than on these masses. I am not so open as I seem to be; and I am not putting you on the front place in my priorities.

How can I start loving you as I could? How can I start spending more time with you, sharing with you, helping you? How can I get closer to you, because then we will be able to enrich each other. How to break the barrier that separates us? One day we’ll all go various directions – that’s why I haven’t been putting too much effort into these relationships.

I want to start now. From now on, I want to listen to you, remember your problems, and be interested in what you do, and what is happening in your lives.

Anyway, thank you very much for all your support. Without you I would be much less, and you help me grow.

“For the sake of love we are prepared to sacrifice everything: “But I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father” (Jn 14:31).”

Today I came from work at six. Hungry, but I wanted to make it for the mass. I didn’t. I just let it be. I ignored it and didn’t make the effort… As if you want to go for the communion, you shouldn’t eat an hour before that.

So another opportunity missed. Is it a sin? Maybe not. But I lost something I could have. I lost something I could offer. So am I prepared to sacrifice everything? What will I do when asked for something more?

“Some people say there is a crisis of faith or a crisis of authority, but I think there is actually a crisis of holiness. God sends trials to you in order to refine and separate good from bad in you.”

Yes, they definitely are there. And for everybody it’s something else. But  how should we get on with these temptations? Are we allowed to subdue and commit a sin? Or if I want to be holy – does it mean that I can never sin any more?

While we could also spend a considerable time here pondering about what is sin and what does not qualify as a sin, I would prefer to follow my “inner voice”, my conscience.

And it tells me, for example, that it is not good to be greedy and to eat lots of chocolate cookies.

Well, I love chocolate cookies. And after I spent several months on a very healthy raw-food diet, eating just oranges and bananas and all that fruity and veggy stuff – now I broke all my rules and resolutions – and allowed myself to have a bit of “pleasure”.

Now it can develop into an endless greed so easily – as I have always loved chocolate – or, as I used to say, anything that is brown and sweet…

So yesterday morning I woke up with a thought – I will get myself a good bit of chocolate today.

And before going to work, I popped into a church, for a quick mass. And… the sermon was told as a story - read here what I was told.

“There was a lady at the airport, waiting for her flight, and as she had a lot of time, she bought herself a pack of cookies and went with them into a cafe. She loved just sitting there, having coffee and eating biscuits. But as she was putting the first one into her mouth, and having a sip of that lovely hot coffee – she noticed a man sitting opposite her and taking one of her biscuits! But, what could she do… So she quickly reached out and took another one, followed again with the coffee. And in the meantime, the other fella got his as well. What a disgrace! She thought. But what could she do…

So they continued eating the biscuits until there was just one left.

The man looked at the lady. She looked at him. Then he reached out, took the last biscuit, broke it into two, and offered the lady one half. She refused. She wouldn’t take anything from a beggar’s dirty hand. So he finished the biscuit and his coffee, and left.

The lady also finished her coffee and was going to leave when, as she was packing her things, she noticed, that the biscuits she had bought, were – still in her bag!”

Very nice story and although its message goes beyond my thoughts that morning, together with all the lenten readings at the mass they all told me – don’t do it! Don’t enjoy yourself eating lots of chocolate! Don’t be greedy! There are millions of people starving. Don’t hurt your body with unhealthy food. Don’t spend money you could use on something else. Don’t be a hypocrite – telling other people that you’re on the raw food – and yet eating chocolate!

Don’t love yourself in a bad way! Do a sacrifice, it’s the lent time – offer this for your friends or for somebody who needs something from God. Don’t waste your time you can spend on something more useful! Don’t be greedy!

Don’t make God angry or sad. Don’t risk your life. Don’t risk your holiness!

…

After the mass ended, I went straight to the shop, bought a pack of biscuits and a Snickers Duo, went to my office and ate it all.

“Outsiders cannot understand why we follow the call of Our Lord. They think we are mad, Jesus also was called mad by Herod (Lk 23:11), and we are proud to share such divine insanity.”

At one mass I felt that when the priest was saying “This is my body, which will be given up for you,” that Jesus was holding myself and saying that. So that I am His body to be given up for people.

Will see what happens in future.

“Results and success are two different things. There may be no outward signs of results, but instead, an increase in experience, an increase in humility an increase in your faith in God. That is your success from a supernatural point of view.”

Today I went to our youth mass – the mass where I used to play the guitar in the choir every Friday 2 years ago. Now, after 6 months when I heard them play the last time, I got a chance to see them in action again. They were excellent. Much better than before – the quality of the music was just great – I cannot express how harmonious it all was – and they had the full band playing and the singers were brilliant – all the solos and the choir as a complex thing – simply, I stayed speechless.

But it was not only the music they were playing. I could see there is nobody a real “leader” in terms of standing out from the crowd. Yes, there was a conductor, but the whole thing looked more like they are one team, that it all was a result of them working together. I could see that everybody had their own role there.

And it still is not everything. The mass itself. Yes, I could see familiar faces. The same people as 2 years ago. A few new guys, anyway. But I simply felt at home – although I had left, they all kept coming to this mass every Friday.

Ok, I have earned lots of money. I can now speak English much better. I have learned an awfully lot, working abroad. But this mass… It’s something I had to sacrifice, something where I have been missing, as I belong here. I have delivered results, but these people are successful, although they maybe never achieve what I’ve “achieved”. 

I just pray that I will be more humble and that my faith will strengthen even though I have been chasing other things. Lord, please, grant me more experience which I can get through persistence, give me more humility, so that I can really serve others and listen to them, give me more faith, so that I can pray according to your will and be successful in Your eyes.