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In many church circles, there is a lot of hype on suffering. That we should carry our cross every day. But what if I got lots of nice gifts, and that I’m just happy and I must smile every morning and laugh in the evenings? What if I got all I need – love, health, happiness…? Should I still make my face dark, and cry at nights?

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

³ he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

⁴ Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

⁶ Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

“Live at God’s side and you will become a saint, since heaven is nothing other than the presence of God.”

Today I was praying for sanctity. Then failed greatly again – with food and work. Am I not able to do it?

However, I was thinking, being in the church, that there is gold and wood. I don’t want to be like a golden calich, I would prefer to be a wooden… cross.

Lord, please, give me the strength and the patience. Let me get to that goal one day.

“Thousands of patients in the House of Saint Joseph of Cottolengo have a special expression on their faces for, from time to time, a gentle voice is heard repeating over the public address system: “God is here in our house.””

I want to know what God wants me to do. I am working very hard all the time for my “human bosses”, but I don’t feel this is something I am supposed to be doing. Nor do I want to work for myself, so that I “achieve great things” for myself – I think that I should work 100% for God alone. For Jesus.

Why? Because He gave me this life and health, energy and time. He gave me myself. He lead me to understand the world as I see it now, He taught me all the things I am now able to do. Who should I use all these skills and gifts for, if not for Him alone?

But I don’t know yet what He wants me to do. That’s why I am just working for others – since other people are Him. I can find God only in other people. Ok, I hear you thinking – but is not God in your own heart?

Sure, He is in me, but unless I liaise with other people in pure Love, how can I have Him inside? Is it possible to truly live with God without an urgent desire to love other people and to serve them?

There is just one catch – my ego. I feel so down, so failed, so poor because of this. Doing things for myself. THERE WAS NO ONE THING JESUS DID FOR HIMSELF. Never. He didn’t change stones into bread when He was dying of hunger. He didn’t come down from the cross. He did come back from the Father to say Hello again to His disciples.

And yet my ego is standing in my way towards Jesus. Just one stupid ego, myself, my own desires, wants and sins. My food, my fame, my success, my status, my money, my pleasures, my hobbies, my achievements. Why all this? What is the one reason I keep serving myself, instead of serving others?

Ok, you might be telling me about how important it is to love myself first, because only then I will be able to truly love others. Can you not see that my love of myself is standing in way of loving others? Was it not Jesus who said “Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me“?

Life is like art. You need to master it, to constantly work on yourself, to keep limiting your ego. And in the end, people will not be able to recognise an artist within you. Only after you die, if you did really well, they will realise the truth and you will become an inspiration for them.

“Turn your back on those small-minded people who whisper in your ear, “You are mad to put up with such a miserable life!” Remember how Jesus dismissed Peter: “Get behind me, Satan! You are an occasion of sin for me – you are setting your thoughts not on divine things, but on human things” (Mt 16:23).”

Ocassionally do I realise how difficult it Jesus actually had. Well, it’s easy to listen to His lively stories, nice to see Him heal the sick and even enter Jerusalem in that glory.

But at the same time, these events are interwoven with frequent attacks from Pharisees, sleepless nights, disappointments from the disciples, lack of belief among people and eventually, horrible torture up to the death on the cross.

Life probably was not easy for Jesus. And still we don’t know much about His daily life – did He suffer from any sicknesses, or poverty, hunger, or lack of good friends and community? Imagine yourself spend days among people who are at least one level lower mentally or less educated than you are – would you be able to have a solid conversation with them?

Yet Jesus knew what He was doing. He had His goal that He was pursuing with love and determination. What is my goal? I don’t have most of those issues He had to go through – yet I am not able to establish even the easiest and most basic targets. Where is my help, where is my involvement in God’s plan? Where is my determination and courage to stand up and help the needy?

“The profession of faith, the Credo, should sharpen our appreciation of the sacrifice of Our Lord: “He was born of the Virgin Mary and became man. For ourselves He was crucified under Pontius Pilate; He suffered, died and was buried”; a sacrifice during the whole of his life, a sacrifice of oblation.”

After coming back from a week’s holiday, I was afraid to come back to work. Will I be able to catch up on all the things? Will I still have authority within my colleagues? Will I be able to answer my boss’ questions? Will I be successful? What if not?

All these my doubts were washed away within 5 mins of prayer:

“I will look after. I love you whatever happens.”

Jesus came here, He let Himself be killed, He suffered an awfully lot for me, even if I didn’t ask Him for it at all. He WILL make sure that I am happy, He will look after everything in my life, He loves me. There is no doubt any more, no fear of failure, as the only failure in life is a failure to recognize His love, a failure to realise that I am loved by the Greatest, by Somebody who is everything; I am loved by Everything.

“In the solemn pilgrimage in which thousands of people take part, everybody wants to carry the cross at the head of the procession. But, in the pilgrimage of our everyday lives how many are prepared to carry their own crosses? It is indeed difficult to be an unsung hero/heroine.”

Lord, please, help me be humble and quiet, even when I am doing things that everybody can, or even must, see. When I play the guitar at your mass, there are many people who can admire me singing. Because You gave me the gift. But please, let me not consider myself anything more than other people, and please, let me then do even more good things which nobody will be able to see, but which will help.

Last Sunday somebody from the choir told me: “Quickly, play more songs now, while you are being famous, standing in front of the crowd.” And I felt oppressed a lot by this, because it was pointing out how much I love to stand in the limelight. Jee, do I really appear like being so hungry for fame?

“Relationships are risky – you can get hurt easily. But when you approach the person who hurts you, and you ask them why are they doing so, you will find out that they actually love you. There might be a barrier between you and others – be courageous to overcome it.”

And here I am back with my image of a small rabbit at the edge of a clearance. He is afraid to move away from his secure big rock, behind which he is hiding. Don’t be afraid, get out from your shell, and you will discover lots of “green grass” which is love and the riches knowing other people brings.

“God often sends crosses to those He loves, but such people whom God loves in this special way are few, because not many people will accept sacrifice.”

Lord, please, teach me how to accept anxieties, and difficulties, so that when they one day come, I will be able to give thanks to You, and to welcome them as an opportunity to grow and to sacrifice myself for Your case.

Many people are complaining about the low pay, bad weather, poor food, boredom, cold… Please, teach me to be happy all the time, please, show me how to smile inside, even when it’s raining and when something unpleasant happens – let me welcome You in whatever way You talk to me.

““Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end” (Jn 13:1). That end was the Cross. Your sacrifice must be complete; it must be a holocaust if you are going to love right to the end.”

I was thinking about people in hospices, and those who are in hospitals, “sentenced” to cancer, or any other dreadful illness. I don’t know any of them, but it must be tough to get through days, with all the pain, hopelessness and vanity.

Maybe.

What do these people really think, how do they submit their lives to God or death itself? Can they smile? Can they love? Can they have any hope?

What if this happens one day to myself? What will I say to God? Will I be able to thank Him for every single day, as it is easy to do now, when I am in full health? What would be God saying to me?

Jesus chose His part voluntarily. He decided to go up on the cross - just out of His great love of us. What will I do out of my love of Him?

“The Cross is foolishness to the Jews and a stumbling block to the Greeks. But as for us, we glory in the Cross of Our Lord (1Cor 1:22-24, Gal 6:14).”

When you play chess with somebody, not because you want to win over them, but purely because you want to enjoy the game together, and you are happy even when they win, that’s to me holiness. When you get up at 6 in the morning and go out to greet the morning sun and rejoice with all the birds and trees, that’s to me holiness.

When you keep quiet for the whole day, even though you speak in front of an audience, but you’re quiet inside, listening to God’s voice, that’s to me holiness.

When you don’t eat too much nor too little, that’s to me holiness. When you listen to your friend who needs help and you participate in their issue, that’s to me holiness. When you accept somebody telling you off and to you they’re all wrong, but you say nothing because you know that there’s no point in arguing with them just to protect your ego, that’s to me holiness.

When you are curious about your friends, family, partner to find out what matters in their life, that’s to me holiness.

When you pray in quietness for an hour, at a time when you could be doing so many other pleasurable things, that’s to me holiness.

When you do exercise not because you want to look well or beat someone in competition, but purely because you want to leverage your physical potential, increase your energy levels and enjoy the time, that’s to me holiness.

When you go and start serving needy people for free, just because you want to help them, that’s to me holiness.

Yes, to me, holiness is crazy.

“You wish to set fire to the whole world by the love which the Gospel preaches; you wish to conquer the five continents. Your every moment should be a flash of fire, the fire of your duty, of your obedience, of your patience. Such a flame will burn brightly to illuminate the whole world.”

What love does the Gospel preach? The love of Europeans who killed American Indians a few years ago? The love of Christians setting for war to protect their ‘holy city’? The love with which we really ‘conquered’ the five continents so that they are now poor and hungry?

No, this is not the true Love of Gospel. The Love Jesus speaks about, is His Love. The unconditional, understanding and listening Love. The Love that breaks hearts from inside – you don’t need to say a word. The Love that understands all your weaknesses so that you don’t need to say sorry any more. The Love that shines inside of you and which you sometimes are not even aware of. The Love with which the Great Spirit created the world. The Love that puts us all together. The Love you can feel now.

The Love that makes you die on the cross, the Love that makes you smile when something hurts. The Love that is so deep that you cannot talk about it with anyone. The Love that is God.