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“Why are you so eager to build churches of wood and stone for God and yet are unwilling to make soul a temple of God?”

Today I was reading that Jesus went into the biggest temple in Jerusalem and turned it all into a big mess. Shouting at the merchants there, moving them away, destroying their stands and goods.

He was a rebel. The disciples were probably just standing in a safe distance and wondering what’s the hell did happen to Him.

And then He said that He would rebuild the whole temple in 3 days – that’s the sign of authority to do what He was doing.

Who is Jesus? Who was the man 2000 years ago, who completely changed the whole history of our Earth?

Behaving like a rebel one day, healing deaf and lame the other. Letting people shout Hosanna! one day, dying on the cross as the poorest thief the other.

And yet “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. Nobody can come to the Father, except through me.”

So who is Jesus? The only way to God? Then, man, He must be something far more than I think. Far more than I’ve believed so far.

Jesus might have been the Reason for God to create the world. Jesus as Life, as the only Truth. Jesus as what really Is.

Do we then have to go to the church as the only way to get in touch with God? Do we have to meet the person, the historical, physical Jesus, if we want to get to “the Father”?

Or, is Jesus, as Life, present in every single breath you breathe, is He present in the whole Universe we live in?

“Since the Blessed Trinity is living in you, you are the temple of God. You are also a holocaust, a word of unending praise, a flower of great beauty offered up to God.”

God expressed Himself through me. He is communicating Himself through me.

Was thinking that some people spend lives in the search for the meaning of life. And yet, being nearly one of them, I discovered, that it was making me sad and lonely. I was just pondering about the ungraspable, while the real Life was just passing by.

I cannot understand God. I cannot understand why He created the world, I don’t know where to find the answers to all my questions.

All I can do, though, is to Be. To enjoy every single present moment. To be conscious of the fact, that there is Somebody who created the whole thing and that I’m in a continuously growing relationship with Him.

God is silent, but through the nature, other people and my own feelings and thoughts, He is shouting His message.

Nothing new – it’s a message of Love. The old well-known thing that moves people. Nothing new, it is inside You.

“Speak frequently to Mary, the beloved Mother of God. This is most pleasing to God, who is present in your heart.”

At the moment I don’t understand this sentence indepth.

I am still struggling with myself - getting rid of my ego, and trying to find the way to change. It will have to be a complete change, with forgetting all my old ways, and fully commiting myself to work on God’s side.

Lord, please, forgive me my hesitating. Please, be patient enough till I come to You, or force me to come to You, please, let me get rid of all that hinders on my way to You. Please, Lord, let me understand that You are within me already, that I am just covering all the riches You are giving me with my sins and ignorance.

Lord, please hear my cry, let me change, let me change today, so that tomorrow I will be closer to You. Lord, please, don’t let me live without You!!

“Live at God’s side and you will become a saint, since heaven is nothing other than the presence of God.”

Today I was praying for sanctity. Then failed greatly again – with food and work. Am I not able to do it?

However, I was thinking, being in the church, that there is gold and wood. I don’t want to be like a golden calich, I would prefer to be a wooden… cross.

Lord, please, give me the strength and the patience. Let me get to that goal one day.

“The reality of the presence of God by your side is not just a question of feelings. God takes complete possession of you, leading, loving, and consoling you.”

Today I was reading the beginning of John’s Gospel. The Word.

If Jesus really is the Son, or the Expression of that Being Who created the whole world and the Universe – then all questions are being answered in Jesus. The Beginning and the End. Alfa & Omega.

Should I then worry about anything else?

Surely, I should, because I am a human being, set into a human environment, with human limits. However, these days, also being led by the biography of St. Ignatius of Loyola, I feel as if hard work on ourselves really is required if we want to become an expression of God.

First of all, I need to get rid of my ego, my selfishness. This is the key if I want to grow in understanding and expression of God. God, who is everything and is in me.

Lord, please, get me on the way, and support me on this long journey. I haven’t started yet, but when I start, please, make sure that all my steps will be with You.

“Ask Mary to lead you to Jesus and you will know what it is to live by his side.”

It’s funny, but it felt quite awkward when I was putting this thought to my twitter. It certainly doesn’t express my own thinking and setup. I love to pray the Rosary, but my relationship with Mary? I don’t know, and, Mary, I’m sure You understand, since You also see into my heart, but I am simply not getting it – I can clearly feel One God, and don’t always see Mary as a part of this spiritual setup.

I might be well wrong, and also I might regret this sentences in future, but this is what I feel at the moment. Having said that, when praying Rosary, I can feel Her motherly hand being with me. And maybe it’s You, who caresses for me all the time.

Anyway, yesterday I made another mistake – when talking to my friends who run a prayergroup where I stopped going to, because I felt it was more important that I stay at home with my husband in the evenings. Well, without knowing what they are doing with the group, I started to give them my advice, and to manipulate the prayer group into my own picture. Rubbish.

Lord, please, correct my attitudes, correct my thinking, correct my relationships and my prayer. Please, let me start some serious work on myself – I read about Your Ignatius of Loyola, and after He converted, He started to work eagerly on every aspect of His personality, so that He could be Holy.

Please, make me Holy.

“In your relationship with God, your conscience is sufficient, but with other people, you also need wisdom because their eyes do not see your conscience.”

Yesterday I started to read a biography of St Ignatius of Loyola. An amazing life, probably as many other lives lived here by many men and women. However, I like Ignatius and his way of doing things, as far as I know him. And I think we have one thing similar – a ceaseless desire for glory, and a neverending imagination and visualising ourselves as saving other people, or doing great deeds.

When I was young, I used to imagine millions of times how I am saving my classmates from a catastrophy, or doing anything really great, so that others would admire me. Not sure whether this was the main motiff – probably the biggest trigger was just the desire to do something really great.

Now I still want to shine in the limelight, and I am involved in lots of various projects, so that one day I might end up doing something really big.

However, is this the key? Would it be possible to transform this my desire for greater glory, to a sincere wish to serve God – as Ignatius used to say - to the Greater Glory of God?

“Consider the greeting of the angel: “Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you!” (Lk 1:28), and the greeting of the Church: “The Lord be with you.” Aren’t these greetings full of profound significance and capable of changing your life?”

Today I was reading about the two guys going to Emaus. Jesus appeared to them on their way. Do we need Jesus to appear, or are we able to recognize Him in every day life?

What is it that we sometimes forget about the source of our life? How can we make ourselves available to Him all the time, instead of letting us being taken over by our desires, egos and greed?

Lord, please, let me feel Your presence along the way. Let me be with You, let me have You inside of me.

“Why do some Christians complain that they are lonely? Where is their Christ?”

Lord, today I made another mistake on the way. I had a very valuable meeting with two friends who are active within our community and I admire both of them as very hardworking and motivated persons, who seem to be good before You.

And I was hungry to talk to them, to get to know them better. So this evening was supposed to be unique. However, now I feel that all the time spent with them was wasted. Wasted by myself. How much could I have learned!

I was talking about myself a lot. I was showing how smart and clever I am. I was giving them advice. Me, who am not even their age.

If I was asking the right questions all the time, I could have learned so much more! Now, I’ve really missed an opportunity. I don’t know how they feel, and what reflexion on the meeting they have and whether they don’t take it as a wasted evening.

Lord, please, give me another chance, let me MEET these people again, and let me listen to what they have to say instead of me talking all the time.

Lord, You were listening to the poorest, You didn’t say anything when people were telling lies against You. Please, teach me to shut up when I meet people.

“Think for a moment of the presence of a very loving and inspiring person, or of a gentle, caring mother – even of a distinguished guest who affirms you, makes you feel grateful and self-confident. But all that love, kindness, and honour are nothing when compared with that which God’s presence offers you. God’s presence exceeds all others to such an unfathomable degree that a million times the distance between earth and heaven would not begin to express its infinite superiority.”

Pondering about the stars, and about the distances in the Universe will always leave me questioning my life and the reason of what I’m doing. Why all this greatness and beauty? Is it really for us, humans, to discover it all maybe one day?

I know that God’s paths are well above ours, and that we are not able to grasp His thinking. However, He made the step towards us, and will not let us alone. I would like to live through this day, fully realising God’s presence in everything I do. I want to invite Him into my time, my presence and my thinking.

Lord, please give me strength to stay with You, not to let myself be taken away from You by work, food or anything else; You are my Lover, please, let me love You from all my strength.